Four Year Old Snape
by Rosalia
Summary: Poor Professor Snape gets hit by a Neville mess or as he likes to call it a potion. Now Snape has to undergo part of his youth again.


Four Year Old Snape

Disclaimer: I do not own anything Harry Potter.

"It'll just have to wear off, Severus. You can wait it out for a day."  
Albus Dumbledore said to his Potions Master. Well, more like the four year  
old version of him. See, Professor Snape was in his 7th year potions  
class with Neville Longbottom. Need I say more?  
"A day? I have to walk around like this for a day? How will I teach?"  
Snape sat in one of Dumbledore's office chairs, fighting the urge to  
swing his legs back and forth.  
"I'll teach the rest of your classes." Albus said smiling down at his  
friend.  
"And what will I do?"  
"I'll set you up with a babysitter."  
"Albus…"  
"Hear me out, Severus. You cannot go around saying you are Severus  
Snape, now can you?" He chuckled. "I'll bring in Hermione Granger.  
She'll say you are a cousin staying for the day. All you have to do is  
act…four years old."  
"You're enjoying this way too much, you know that?"  
"I do. I already called for Miss Granger." As if it was timed, the  
door knocked, and in came Hermione.  
"You called for me, sir?" Hermione said stepping in further.  
"Yes, Miss Granger. Please sit." Hermione walked over to the chair  
Severus was occupying, and almost sat on him.  
"OFF, WOMAN!" He screamed. Hermione jumped back up and turned around.  
"Professor?" Her eyes widened in horror. She almost sat on her  
Professor.  
"No, it's your long lost cousin from America." Severus said  
sarcastically. Albus beamed.  
"What a wonderful cover story! Great thinking, Severus." He looked at  
Hermione who sat down in the chair next to Snape. "As you've already  
seen, Professor Snape has a bit of an issue."  
"I'd say more than 'a bit'!" Snape growled.  
"Yes. Well, Miss Granger, are you up for some babysitting?" Hermione  
giggled.  
"If it'll help." Hermione said, looking at Snape.  
"It will. Use the story Professor Snape offered." Albus said, and  
grabbed some papers. Hermione and Snape took that as a dismissal and  
stood up. When they reached the door Dumbledore spoke again. "I suppose  
you also need another name too. Pick whatever you like." And that was  
it.  
"So…uh…what's your name going to be?" Hermione said as they walked down  
the corridor to her next class- Transfiguration.  
"I don't care, pick one." Snape crossed his arms with a scowl on his  
face.  
"How about Andrew?"  
"No."  
"Jason?"  
"No."  
"I thought you said you didn't care?"  
"Pick a name I like."  
"Stop scowling and look happy. You're four for god's sakes!" Snape  
stared at her. He didn't expect Miss Hermione know-it-all Granger to  
snap at him. He uncrossed his arms and stopped scowling…kinda.  
"Josiah?" Hermione suggested after a few minutes.  
"Whatever."  
"Josiah Granger it is then." Hermione said, smiling. Snape tried to  
hold back a rather rude comment. They reached the classroom door but  
before Hermione opened it she took out the note Dumbledore gave her to  
give to all her teachers, and looked at Snape. "You're four, Professor.  
Act it." And she opened the door. Grabbing his hand Hermione pulled him  
to the front. McGonagall took the note and read it. When she was  
finished she leaned over her desk and stared at Snape.  
"So wonderful to meet you…"  
"Josiah." Hermione offered.  
"Yes." McGonagall stifled her giggles. "Please, sit." As the class went  
on Severus was becoming more annoyed. All the girls were talking to him  
like he was four years old… which he was. McGonagall transfigured his  
black robes into a little Gryffindor uniform. When he tried to protest  
Hermione cut in.  
"That's so cute!" She turned to Snape and gave him a look saying  
'You're four, professor.' She turned back to McGonagall. "He loves it.  
Thank you, professor. Say thank you, Josiah." Everyone looked at him  
expectantly. When he stuck out his tongue there was a string of 'aww's'  
that filled the room. Thankfully for Snape, the class let out. Suddenly  
Snape was picked up and thrown over someone's shoulders.  
"Now, Hermione, exactly who is this little tike?" Harry said. Yes,  
Harry Potter was holding Snape. Hermione giggled at the sight.  
"Oh, put him down, Harry. He's my cousin from America. Another magical  
kid for the Granger's." She said happily.  
"He looks angry." Ron said, and took him off of Harry's shoulders. "You  
hungry, little guy?"  
"I would like it if you kept your distance, Weasley." Another look from  
Hermione. "I mean…goo goo ga ga." Ron stood up.  
"You sure he's not related to Snape?" Hermione was stuck. Snape rolled  
his eyes and prayed to whatever gods existed that this would be a  
dream. He tugged on Hermione's robes.  
"'Mione, pee pee!" Not only could Hermione not utter a word, she  
couldn't even move. She glanced at Harry and Ron.  
"I'll take him. You guys get to class." Harry said mistaking Hermione's  
glance as a plea. He grabbed Snape's hand.  
"No pee pee! No pee pee! I want 'Mione!" Snape said, panicked, trying  
to pull away from Harry and run to Hermione's retreating form. Harry  
chuckled.  
"It's ok, kid. I'm 'Mione's friend. Anyways, girls can't go to the  
boys' bathroom." Snape still tugged, but they reached the bathroom  
anyways. Harry stood there. "Ok, go." Severus was speechless. Go? How  
could anyone go with Potter staring them down? When Snape made no move  
to 'go' Harry laughed and kneeled. "I'm sorry. You probably can't undo  
the buttons. I'll help ya." Harry reached for a button, and Snape  
smacked his hand.  
"I can do it on my own. I'm not useless." It was hopeless. Snape had  
been trying to hard to actually go. He made Potter turn around, and  
shut his eyes. It still wasn't working, and Harry noticed.  
"Are you ok? Do you know how?" Snape stared at him.  
"Yes, I know how. It's a damn bodily function, fool. The reason I can't  
go is because you're staring me down! How can anyone do this?" He  
zipped his pants and ran out. Harry followed him. Snape was about to  
round the corner when Harry grabbed his arm and spun him around.  
"You have a very wide vocabulary for a four year old." Harry messed up  
Snape's hair. "You must be Hermione's cousin."  
"What? Was the word 'it' too much for you?" And with that they walked  
to class.  
Lunch. It's a word Severus hated more than anything today. It's wasn't  
the food, oh no. It was the crowd of girls all trying to feed him at  
once. He glared his most fierce glare that made 1st years and Neville  
Longbottom cry. Not today. Today, when he glared, they cooed. They  
actually cooed at him. Him! Severus Snape! He tried telling them to  
'shove it down their own throats', but that got the wonderful 'Is  
little Josiah tie-tie?' The day is almost over, he told himself for the  
millionth time. When lunch was over Hermione took Snape up to her head  
common room.  
"Miss Granger, this is highly inappropriate." He said while trying to  
sit on the couch. He was jumping and jumping, but it finally took  
Hermione to pick him up, and sit him down herself. "Thank you." He  
muttered under his breath. A few minutes later Draco Malfoy walked in.  
They almost went unnoticed until Snape sneezed. Hermione glared at her  
professor when Draco walked up to them with a sneer.  
"Who's that?" He asked.  
"My cousin." Hermione answered with a clipped tone. Draco looked at  
Snape.  
"I pity you."  
"As do I, Mr. Malfoy, as do I." Snape said without thinking. Draco  
stared at him.  
"How did a muggle get in Hogwarts?"  
"He's not a muggle." Hermione picked up Snape, much to his dislike, and  
walked towards her bedroom. "Now if you'll excuse us; Josiah needs a  
nap." She looked down at Snape. "A long nap." After they were alone Hermione dropped Snape on her bed and sat her desk, back turned to him. He sat up and straightened himself.

"That was uncalled for, Miss Granger." She whipped around, her eyes flaming.

"It was 'uncalled for' when you said what you did!" Snape jumped off the bed and glared at her.

"That is enough! I thank you for your…secrecy to my condition, but I will handle it from here." He walked to the door and closed it before Hermione had time to answer. Snape walked down the stairs, muttering to himself. He almost reached the door to leave when Draco Malfoy was heard behind him.

"Leaving so soon? It's funny, her own cousin can't even stand to be around her. And you're only four." Snape snapped around to face Malfoy and saw him lounging on the couch.

"Do you have nothing better to do? You talk like you're any better." Draco sat up and glared at him.

"Watch your mouth, kid. You don't know who you're messing with."

"Nothing much, I am sure." Angry with Snape, Draco jumped to his feet and walked over to him. Severus rolled his eyes. "Are you trying to intimidate me, Mr. Malfoy? Do you think because you are taller than me it will scare me?" He turned to leave. Opening the door Snape added, "You act like a Hufflepuff." And suddenly he found himself thrown to the ground. Malfoy had pulled him back and let him fall. Snape was shocked. He didn't know what to do. He knew what he should do, which is beat his skinny little- never mind. But what would a four year old do?

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Snape cried. No, I'm serious, he's crying! Hermione heard this and ran out of her room to see Snape on the floor crying and Malfoy plugging his ears. He looked to her.

"Make it stop!" He yelled, which made Snape cry harder.

"What did you do to him?" Hermione yelled back and scooped up Snape to calm him down, forgetting who she was holding. Snape continued to cry four bunnies, three rubber ducks, and eight flying cars later.

"He won't shut up!" Draco said laying on the floor. "_He's like you_." Draco got up off the floor and ran to his room, slamming the door. Snape stopped.

"I thought he'd never leave!" Snape stood up and brushed himself off. "Pathetic! And he's in Slytherin; should be in Hufflepuff." Hermione rolled her eyes.

"What was the point of all that?" Severus looked to her.

"He annoyed me." Hermione sat on the couch and covered her eyes. After a few minutes of silence she burst out laughing. Snape walked to her and raised an eyebrow. "She finally lost it." Snape said. She looked at him, still laughing.

"Did you see Malfoy's face? Priceless!" She calmed down and sighed.

"Miss Granger?"

"Yes?"

"Go to bed." Hermione nodded and walked up the stairs. THUD!

"Professor?" She yelled and ran to him. Snape was convulsing! "Professor Snape, can you hear me?" She picked him up and started to run to the infirmary.

"P...put me down!" Snape whispered. Hermione did but was close.

"Are you alright?" Snape nodded. She looked around the hall. Empty.

"It's wearing off." Snape sat and Hermione suddenly realized Snape was becoming taller and looking older. It stopped and he stood up. Oh, no! "I'm glad Minerva had enough common sense to make my clothes grow with me!" He stopped wide eyed. "My voice!"

"Professor…" Hermione whispered; he cut her off.

"Don't even say it!" He yelled.

"…You're seventeen." He groaned. They walked…no, Snape walked and Hermione ran to catch up…to Dumbledore's office. Snape burst through the doors.

"I demand that Longbottom is expelled- RIGHT NOW!" Snape bellowed.

"Severus, no need to shout. I see you're becoming quiet the young man!" Dumbledore grinned.

"You said it would wear off and now I'm…I'm…"

"Seventeen." Hermione finished for him. He shot her a glare.

"What do we do now, Albus? I can no longer say I'm Miss Granger's cousin!"

"No, you can't. You look too much like yourself now." He sat silent for a moment. "Do you have any cousins, Severus?"

"No."

"Now you do."

"We've used that already!" Snape was red with anger. Hermione looked between her two professors.

"You could use glamours and say you're a visiting student." They both turned to her with very different expressions. Snape- one of outrage and Dumbledore-one of pure amusement.

"I believe we have our story! Now for those glamours. Miss Granger, will you assist me?" Hermione looked to Snape and he nodded, defeated. She and Dumbledore used different glamours and when they were finished Raven Seuss had come to life. Snape looked at himself in the mirror.

"I look like a poodle." Hermione giggled and Dumbledore smiled.

"It's just curly hair. You'll get used to it."

"It's not even my color!"

" Which was the point. Professor, you're not supposed to look like yourself."

"Or act like yourself. Have fun being seventeen again. Enjoy the teen life!" Albus now beamed at his friend.

"I didn't like it the first time and I doubt I will the second!" Snape sneered at them.

"Put him in Gryffindore." Hermione piped up.

"WHAT? Are you mad, woman?"

"No, but it's different. You're not Severus Snape right now. You're Raven Seuss." Albus chuckled. He was really enjoying this!

"Good plan, Miss Granger! Now off with you two. Tomorrow will be a wonderful day." Hermione and Snape left the office. He looked to her.

"I hate you." He said when they were away from the gargoyle. Hermione smiled.

"I know." They walked to Hermione's common room and into her room.

"Now I can really say this is not appropri-what's that door doing here?" Hermione snorted.

"You think Professor Dumbledore wouldn't take care of things? Good night, _Raven_."

"I liked Josiah better, and I didn't even like it."

"Aww, poor you!"

"You're pushing it Miss Granger. When I'm back to my normal state-detention!"

"Sure." Hermione said. He slammed the door. The next morning Severus woke and got dressed. School robes were set for him. He sneered at the Gryffindore colors. He opened the door to find Hermione reading a book. Apparently she was waiting for him.

"Lets go." He growled at her and walked ahead of her. She grabbed his arm.

"Please don't act like…yourself! I didn't work on all those glamours for nothing." And she pushed in front of him to walk ahead. When they finally got to the Great Hall Snape was sweating. He didn't know how to act seventeen when he was. How is he now that he's thirty-eight? The doors opened and they walked to Gryffindore table.

"Where's Josiah? I wanted to show him something!" Ron asked and held a sausage in his hand.

"He was only allowed to stay the day. And I'm sure sausage in your nose wouldn't amuse him anyways, Ron."

"Who's that? Harry asked. His eyes narrowed on Snape. Just when Snape was about to speak, Dumbledore stood up and called for attention.

"Now as some of you already know, from the whispers I've heard, we have an exchanged student joining us from Drumstrang. He was sorted into Gryffindore-" The table cheered and clapped.-"Please welcome Raven Seuss." Snape reddened at the attention and looked to Hermione. She smiled and clapped along with everyone. When everything was calm again Harry stared at Snape.

"What?" Snape snapped at Harry.

"Seuss?" Harry's face turned slowly into a grin. "Like in Dr.?"

"Who?"

"Dr. Seuss writes muggle children's books." Hermione explained while giggling.

"Oh." And there was silence between the four.

"Wanna fight?" Ron yelled at Harry, picking up his spoon. Harry grabbed his fork.

"Unguarded!" They fought with their utensils and used food as bombs. Suddenly Harry's 'bomb' hit Snape's face. Being known for his temper; Hermione panicked. "Sorry, Ray!"

"It's fine." Snape said through gritted teeth. Snape wondered what a boy of seventeen would do. He slowly picked up his spoon and put egg on it. He flung it to Harry's face. Harry's face was pure shock to a wide smile.

"Pick up your sword, sir!" Harry lifted his fork. Ron grinned and Hermione nodded.

"Ok." He said and took out his wand. The smiles disappeared. That is until Snape transfigured his fork and spoon into little daggers (rounded tips, of course). He handed one over to Harry. "Might as well do it right."

"I wanna play!" Ron whined and threw his fork at Snape.

"Ron, you sound like a child, stop it!" Hermione scolded.

"Transfigure it!"

"Ronald!"

"It's ok, Miss Granger." Snape took the fork and transfigured it.

"Ha ha! Now we fight!" Ron said and lifted his dagger to Harry. But Harry was looking at Snape again.

"What now?"

"Miss Granger?"

"He's being polite!" Hermione jumped in. "Breakfast is over, let's go to class."

"What's our first class?" Snape asked.

"Potions." They walked to class and sat down waiting for the teacher. Ten minutes later and the teacher didn't show up.

"Where is this man? I would never leave my class alone like this." Snape ducked, almost hit by a flying paper airplane. Harry grinned and threw the plane back.

"Better than Snape, I tell ya!"

"Harry!" Hermione yelled.

"What? He has to know about his new teacher."

"Oh, please inform me." Snape said with a raised eyebrow. He knew what Harry Potter thought of him, but he wanted to hear exactly what he thought of his Potions Master.

"Well, Snape is a greasy-"

"Harry…"

"-Slimy-"

"Stop!"

"-Vampire bat from hell."

"A worm, I say." Ron piped in. "He's not even human!"

"And what is he, if not human?" Snape asked.

"The class is beginning. Open your text books to 394." The teacher walked in and yelled. Snape watched him sit at HIS desk and magically put directions on the board. "You have the rest of the class period to do this." Snape looked down to his book. He covered this- 3 weeks ago. Not only that, but it took more than one class period to finish! He raised his hand.

"We won't have enough time to finish this." The teacher stared at Snape for awhile and smiled. He knew who this Raven Seuss really was.

"Then by all means, pick another one, Mr. Seuss." Snape glared at the name and flipped through his book. Ahh, right there.

"I believe Sleeping Draught potion was due next."

"How do you know?" Ron asked.

"All schools have to learn the same material." Snape said without thinking.

"Well then," The sub teacher put new directions on the board. "Why don't you show everyone how to start it off?" Snape stared at the teacher and scowled. Slowly he stood and walked to the teachers work table. After ten minutes Snape realized that he was basically teaching the class. Nothing new there…just…the age problem. Oh, and everyone was listening. He didn't even have to yell. Even Longbottom was doing ok…kinda…sorta….Well, he didn't blow anything up, that was a start. When the class ended Snape walked to his desk next to Hermione and started to gather his things.

"Oh, Mr. Seuss? " Snape turned to the teacher. "Great work today. I'm wondering, what do you plan on doing when you leave school? Something with potions, perhaps?" He winked and walked into the private office. Severus rolled his eyes and walked out of the classroom.

"You do seem to have a knack for potion making." Harry said.

"Thank you."

"Reminds me of someone I know."

"Oh really, who?"

"You, professor."

Snape stopped dead in his tracks, and Hermione dropped her books. Harry stared at Snape and Ron looked between the two.

"Harry, you don't know what you're talking about." Hermione cut in.

"I think I do." Harry said, never taking his eyes off of Snape. "Just because I don't like him doesn't mean I didn't notice the similarities between their teachings."

"So you caught me." Snape gave in. He didn't see a reason to keep pretending when Potter knew already.

"Professor!"

"I knew it!" Harry smiled. Ron looked at Snape with wide eyes.

"You were Josiah too, weren't you?" He asked. Suddenly Harry's face paled.

"I'm not getting detention for the bathroom thing, am I?"

"No, Mr. Potter. I just- SHIT!" Severus grabbed his stomach. He was in immense pain.

"PROFESSOR!" The trio yelled. They levitated him and rushed him to the hospital wing.

"He'll be fine. I just have to keep him over night." Madam Pomfrey said pushing Snape in bed.

"Let me be, woman!"

"If there was any doubt that he was Snape before, there isn't now." Ron said shaking his head and held a chuckle.

"What's wrong with him?" Hermione asked.

"His internal organs are aging faster than his body. He looks to be about ready to get back to his normal, grouchy self soon though."

"Just keep talking! I'm not in the room at all." Severus growled.

"Shut up." Madam Pomfrey snapped. "Get in bed. And you kids," She said turning to the three. "Out! Go play outside or something."

"I want to play outside." They all turned around.

"What did you say, Professor?" Hermione asked.

"I'm hungry." He coughed into his hand. Madam Pomfrey took that as a sign, and pushed the kids out. Snape sat alone and sulked.

"Think he'll be alright?" Ron asked while walking to the Quidditch pitch.

"He's Snape. He has to be." Harry said looking down, avoiding eye contact.

"He's been through so much worse than this." Hermione whispered. She was referring to Voldemort and Snape's years as a spy for the Order.

"So much worse than a little stomach pain."

"Professor Snape?" The trio turned around and saw their professor walk out of the shadows. "What are you doing out of bed?"

"Yeah, and in THAT." Ron said looking up and down Snape's hospital gown.

"I ran away. That woman is insufferable!" The three laughed.

"We were headed down to the pitch, wanna come?" Hermione asked. Harry and Ron gave her a look. They felt weird having Snape around. Especially since Snape was now 17 and in a gown.

"I would like that, but first," He transfigured his clothes. "Much better." The four of them walked onto the pitch. Ron and Harry got the brooms. Snape handed one to Hermione.

"Oh, no. I stay on the ground." Hermione said. Harry laughed.

"Hermione hates flying."

"I see."

"Yeah, in first year instead of flying, she begged Hooch to write an essay." Ron said. Hermione hit his arm.

"You saw what happened to Neville!" The group laughed. After flying, which Snape found to be extremely fun, they went to eat dinner.

"See! I told you he was a major hottie." A girl said as they walked to their table. Hermione looked at the girl. Lavender. Hermione turned to Professor Snape.

"Don't make eye contact." She whispered. Snape had no idea what Hermione was talking about. That is until Lavender's arms snaked around his shoulders.

"Hello…Raven, was it? I'm Lavender Brown." Snape took her arms off of him, and she sat next to him. She pushed Hermione to the side.

"Gee, thanks, Lav!" Hermione muttered.

"So, Raven, how is your time here at Hogwarts? See anything you like?"

"Besides the school curriculum and my new friends; not really." The trio held their giggles.

"Maybe you'll change your mind after…" She whispered in his ear. Snape's eyes became wide and he pulled away. "What do ya think?" She smiled.

"I think you're disgusting. Do you always do…that…when you meet a new boy? I say, Miss Brown, you have much more class and worth than that!" Her smile faltered and she stood up to leave. "Miss Brown," She turned around. "Think about what I said." And then she was gone. He rolled his eyes looking back at his…His what? They weren't his friends. They spent two days with him; stood by him. He guessed 'friends' was the only word he could describe them as.

"Uh, Raven?" Harry whispered. "Are you ok?" Snape looked up.

"What? Yes, I'm fine. I'm a little tired." Hermione gave him a look.

"Let's get out of here. I have a feeling Professor Snape is going to change again." She whispered to her friends and got up. As the day went on, Snape changed more and more. Now Snape sat on a hospital bed.

"This is getting tiring." He said, now looking to be about twenty-five.

"Seems like it." Harry said. "Want some water?"

"I want to be thirty-eight years old."

"You're almost there, quit whining!" Madam Pomfrey said as she walked in. "I would say in about an hour. You've already changed five times."

"Yeah, I still say four is your best age." Ron mused.

"I thought twenty-one was interesting." Hermione said, putting down the book she was reading. She turned to Harry. "What about you?"

"Personally, I liked seventeen. We got to get to know you better at that age." They sat silent for awhile.

"Still think I'm a greasy git?" Snape said suddenly and made the trio jump a little. Harry smiled.

"You forgot over grown bat." Snape laughed, but abruptly stopped.

"Here it goes again!" And he doubled over in pain. Hermione and Ron on each side of Snape and Harry in front; they all held him up. When he stopped shaking, they let go.

"Professor?" Hermione's small voice penetrated the silence.

"How do I look?" He said weakly.

"Old." Ron and Harry said in unison.

"Thank Merlin." Madam Pomfrey came back in.

"Less than an hour then? Are you feeling alright? Yes. Ok, get out." They left the hospital wing.

"So, I'm guessing you're going to start teaching again?" Harry asked as they walked with Snape to Dumbledore's office.

"Tomorrow." He sighed. They stopped at the gargoyle.

"We'll see you then." Ron said. They turned to leave. When they just turned the corner they heard a thud. They stopped to listen.

"Great. I have Longbottom for two hours tomorrow." Snape said to himself. The trio laughed, and kept walking to the Gryffindore tower.

* * *

I hope you all enjoyed readingthis! It was fun writing it. Please review! 


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